MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Friday, October 26, 2007~~

Uni life is confusing me. mixing up my life. Keep having v mixed feelings. The feeling cannot really be described or explained, but its like someone purposely keep messing up my room again and again after I've spent whole darn days packing it. The more the person does it, the more disorientated I get and I get all cranky and poop.

Its been quite a ride this far. Having rode such a journey this far with numerous pushes and pulls is an accomplishment. But one can nv be complacent. Look at wad has happened now. staying in my comfort zone and comparing oneself with other pple worst off will make life seem simpler..happier. But having being in such a situation now, reality sets off and yet my life's nt moving. One fine day i looked up and realised that i m at the back of the crowd. Trying to pick up my speed a lil' but i stumble and fall. Lagging behind means nth, cos its like natural when competition started way long ago but i only started walking now. But, the least that could have happened was that i dun keep getting weak in my knees and fall hard onto the ground. Even crawling constantly is better than always falling and breaking my momentum.

Apparently, i just kept falling. And its having an impact on me. Doing what i can like a freakin' mugger, like a freakin' loner, like a freakin' noob, like a freakin' dumbass and that's wad i've received. great. life is fair. stupid nose better stop dripping and silly tonsils better contract to its normal size or else..

One example of self-failure. These wks can really tear me apart, rip my insides out. The cycle of studying and falling ill but continued studying repeated wk after wk..and yeah, i failed my mid-terms, badly. Ha. What went wrong, i asked myself, but soul searching can nv take place fast enough before the next shit falls. Anger and guilt just shoots up.

Also, do take a good look ard u and care of those who really care about u. For this, its really nv too late to start. Its nt that i just realised it. But, its just a message that i would like to re-emphasize again. Life is too fragile to be taken as a joke all the time. There's a short story to tell.

On the 1st day of guitar practise, a gal was feeling bored with pract when a boy who happens to be bored sat beside her and start to make friends with her. They got along quite alrite and they had company with a few of others soon and start to hang out more often at the club cos pract wasn't as bad afterall becos of each other. Coincidently, the bunch happen to be in the same small grp practise and soon became pals. Weeks past and altho this bunch only meet during practises, their bond became stronger. However, since all have their own cliques or say, lives outside of pract, they just kept their bond as there. After merely a few mths of friendship and staying in hostel, the grp decided to meet up for guitar pract on one sun. however on sat evening, the boy text the girl saying he wanna stay home slack for 1 more day. Thus, the pract was cancelled. On mon morn, the girl and the rest received a msg and an email. The boy passed away. All of them were shocked, cos the boy seemed healthy and all. They went his wake the next day in disbelief but all left with a heartache cos they saw wad they heard was true..

This is for ya, my friend, rest in peace. Thank u for ya friendship..

"its more than what we see that makes the feeling complete"

5:02 PM